Here Went Nothing...

Okay…

What to say?

Again and again and still feeling this way?

Walked away into a cloudy drawn out day

Only to come out the other side fighting my dismay

Breather?

Over.

Watched it quietly smolder

Dove into the flames only to grow colder

Now I’m searching for matches that are more than just embers

Burned?

Learned:

That all that’s given isn’t earned

Some times you’re lucky if you’ve discerned

That it’s a matter of time before the tables have turned

Travel?

Unravel,

From my head down to this gravel

Was lucky enough not to get hit by the shrapnel

But I’m still bleeding out, and as for why, I can’t tell

Hearts?

Start

To get so fucked up and torn apart

(Don’t read into those lines, I’m just playing a part

One where I rant and rave for the sake of my art.)

Pessimist?

Defeatist

Because nobody can tell me where the beef is

Sick of being a friend with which to coexist

While I bide my time on your damn waiting list

Sympathy?

Empathy.

And right now I’m strung out on your pity

Eat it up, and then vomit it out for the world to see

The View From Up Here just isn’t what it used to be

Interested?

Bested.

And I’m one stop away from feeling better off dead

It’s a shame that you’ll now be forever in my head

And I didn’t expect this road to lead where it’s led

Agree?

To disagree?

I’m trying hard to believe it’s not just happening to me

Wish I could open your eyes and make you see

That you were the one with which I wanted to be

Therapy?

Soliloquy?

If I had more of an audience I guess it wouldn’t be

I’m not asking for much.  Is that so fucking hard to see?

I just want one, once, who’s got it bad for me

God?

I Applaud

Don’t get involved, just smile and nod

Tie me up in front of a female firing squad

Who will lay me out on the ground like fresh sod

Fate?

Berate.

Because I apparently love to complicate

Just stand still and save the date

All the while hating how long you’ve had to wait

Contemplation…

Information

Would’ve been nice if you’d told me before my excitation

Now I’m dancing to the rhythm of my heart’s palpitations

Trying to swap a “?” for a “!” in my life’s punctuation

Fun?

Done,

With pouring more rhymes into this one

Thought I had someone, to which I wanted to run

Thought, for a moment, that this sweet talk was done

Something?

Lasting?

But now I’m just left with that minor sting

The kind that reminds me I was so close to something

The kind that starts with the notion of “Here goes nothing….”

Nothing Left To Say...

Slaloming through street signs past a “No right turn”

But I’m going forward so it’s not my concern

Finally to a point where I’m able to discern

That holding a flame doesn’t mean I have to get burned

Just wanted to punch through a flawless mirror

Shattered bones and glass, but at least it’d be clear

Clear that I’m flattered to be no longer standing here

Waiting for you to come and sweep up my fear

Drove my car off the road, or so I was told

The heat of my mistakes kept me warm in the cold

I don’t want to forget them when I grow old

Don’t want to whiteout what ought to be bold

So what if nothing happens? I’ve still got a story

Yes or no, there’s no reason to worry

A shooting star that I missed, went away in a hurry

Her glow keeps me chasing, though my vision is blurry

Stood up for sitting down, then rested my eyes

Noticed she was looking back; a welcome surprise

This damn repetition will be my ultimate demise

And she ought to know that I no longer want to disguise

Disguise, mask, and overlook that undermining thought

The one telling me I am what I’m pretty sure I’m not

It’s just a bunch of name calling, between the kettle and the pot

And I can’t help that she’s got me bothered and hot

That last post was a visit from an intoxicated me

Up awake writing at a half past three

Tired of the things that I can’t do as me

Convinced by the booze that it’ll never be

The stars couldn’t tell me that she saw my way

And the wind could drum up a perfect day

But that night when I left, there was a sense of dismay

And since then I’m still finding the words I’m trying to say

To those looking up: I’m taking a breather

The words aren’t coming like they used to either

I’m not feeling depressed? I’ve lost my leisure?

It could be both; it could be neither.

One day soon you’ll all know what’s true

And I might return to comment on what I went through

In the meantime I’ve appreciated the readers, albeit a few

It’s time to move on though, and so I bid you adieu… 

The Same Old Story

Back here again, to sip that familiar friend

You’ll misinterpret the meaning

Down here again, and I guess I’m at an end

You’ll think this is all self-defeating

I’ll start by saying I’m nowhere

And I’ll finish by saying I’m sliding

I know what it is that makes me care

But I still remain in hiding

I just wanted something to happen

But failed to motivate myself

I can’t seem to find it again

And I’m far beyond the point of help

Is it too much to ask for things to go right?

Or right enough for her to understand?

It’s too late to get that kiss goodnight

When nothing ever goes as I planned

I didn’t even plan it though

It just happened by sheer will

I wanted her, but watched her go

And I’m now left with regret to kill

So I’m drinking it in, and going for a swim

But I’m so close to drowning here

I’ll cover it up until I burst at the seams

You’ll ask but I won’t make it clear

A soundtrack to my life

That only repeats a bunch of love songs

The only one I still find interesting

Can’t convince me that she longs

I’m done, I’m done, I’m done!

But then again there’s still life in this masochist

Still convinced that you’re the one

Even though we’ve never kissed

Back here again, with the same to say

Repeat the same story while lacking finesse

But they’ll still be happy all the same

Because a story is a story… I guess…

Lore

I saw something last night I’ve never seen before

Witnessed events only referenced in lore

The eyes of a seductress piercing through my skin

And I bled out on the floor, and watched her go in

Filled up my veins and coursed straight to my heart

Beats were skipped at a potential new start

I lay there unconscious, I must have been dreaming

As she flowed past my heart with a force that was teaming

She entered my head and made herself a comfortable place

Made sure if I didn’t have her, I’d at least remember her face

She swirled around in my brain, attacking my senses

I continued losing pints while she assailed my defenses

Lying on the floor, the room going black

I knew at this point there was no going back

I struggled a bit with the hopes of keeping my norms

But her intriguing nature found me in swarms

It pinned me down and danced circles around my ears

Helpless to move, but with no abundance of fears

A part of me was fighting. Dying? Maturing?

As my eyes closed and I prayed that this might be a sure thing

Completely devoid of the self I used to know

I laid back and made peace with the way things needed to go

The lights disappeared, and time grew short

And my body was unwilling to find a way to retort

But in that moment, a bright light appeared

A warmth surrounded me and quelled what I feared

I was coming back to life, but not the life I new before

A looming security that insured peace filled my core

My eyes started to open; where I was I did not know

But a feeling grabbed my limbs and wouldn’t let go

I looked up to see her face, in a sea of mediocrity

All voices but hers faded, as she only spoke to me

I listened in a daze, and about everything, I was unsure

Uneasily, I remain confident, because I know that I want her…