Leon's Diary II

8/3/20XX

            Hello future self, I hope that you are reading this in comfort. I’m writing to you because my friends here have told me that I might enjoy writing.  I told them that I wasn’t sure if I’d like it, but then here I am writing for the first time and finding so much pleasure in it.

I couldn’t be happier today.  Why, you ask?  Because today is my birthday!! I was given tremendous gifts by all of my friends here and on top of it all I was allowed to have a slice of carrot cake, my favorite!! One of the gifts was a teddy bear the size of a small child.  Even though it is missing its left leg, I love it the same as any other bear and I’ve decided to name her April.  I’ve always liked that name. 

            Aside from my birthday I have been enjoying my days here at the Castle.  Kind of an odd name for a facility such as this, but I don’t mind.  I love all of my friends and they most certainly love me.  They say that I am very well behaved with never an incident, which they like. 

            Tomorrow they say we are going to the beach, and I can’t wait because I’ve never been to the beach.  I’ve already packed my towel and my beach hat, and my swim trunks are on the dresser across the room.  Of course April will be coming too, because she hasn’t been to the beach before either. 

            Life in the Castle is wonderful, and yesterday I saw myself at the age of 99 still here.  I was taking my last breaths as Paul, one of the former interns who had been here for years by that point, held my hand as I died.  Peacefully and with no fear I passed on.

The Castle got a few new visitors today, and I am very excited about that.  I am not, however, allowed to see them or talk to them and they were taken to their rooms immediately.  I was told they were pretty tired, but considering I never actually saw them, I can’t say for sure if they were or not.  Maybe tomorrow I will ask my friends if I can make my introductions and we can all be friends

            Well, I think I’m going to go to bed now and try to get some sleep.  I doubt I will however as I am far too excited about the beach tomorrow.

Goodnight.

8/5/20XX

           

HELLO FUTURE LEON!!

By now I’m sure you’re aware that we never did go to the beach yesterday, but that’s okay.  April seemed pretty upset, but then again, she could still be mad at the fact that she has to hobble around everywhere, on account of her missing leg. 

I feel as though I should mention what happened this morning though, seeing as how I was awoken at around 7:00 AM to a loud crash outside my room.  I opened the door, but the hallway was empty.  Walking out into the hall and into the grand room, that’s what everybody here calls it; I saw that the window had been shattered.  Stepping closer, there was a breeze coming in that was cold.  Looking around, there was still no one, but still the window was broken and I assumed the glass had all fallen out and to the ground many stories below.  It was at that time that I was tackled, and fell to the floor. Wrestling myself around to face my assailant, I noticed a young man, maybe 25 or so.  He held me down and wouldn’t stop shouting and yelling at me.  He kept asking ‘Where did she go?’ in a very frantic voice.  Where did she go? Have you seen her?  What did you do to her?  I was stunned and couldn’t speak.  He wanted answers from me but I couldn’t muster up the words to say anything.  Mostly because he kept cutting me off and the fact that he was chocking me.  I finally pushed him off me and asked him who, who was he looking for?  He didn’t answer though; he just kept shouting the same things over and over.  I told him politely to calm down, and that my name was Leon, but he wouldn’t listen.  I was having quite a challenge in dealing with this young man, but then my friends showed up.  It was at this point that the young man froze and stared them down as if unable to move.  My friends stood still too, as if they were trying not to scare him.  They crept slowly forward like they had found a bunny that they just wanted to try and pet, and he stood rigid to the floor, unmoving.  Then all of a sudden my friends rushed towards him.  The young man yelled out ‘NO! Not without her!’ and, after looking around the room in a split second, proceeded to jump out the broken window I mentioned before. 

I had never seen anything like it; he fell into the foggy clouds below and disappeared in a poof.  I wish April could have seen it, but sadly she was still sleeping. My friends just stopped and helped me up and made sure I was okay.  They’re so nice sometimes.  Saul, one of the young interns, helped me up and asked if I had enjoyed the new visitors. I guess that young man was one of the visitors they brought to the Castle yesterday… a pity I never got to meet him.  Oh well, he seemed a bit too rowdy for my tastes anyways.  Not someone you would likely be able to sit and play Go Fish with… or at least not for very long.  

            Such an excitable day today, and other than that, things were relatively quiet.  I sat in the grand room and watched my friends clean up and replace the broken window.  I offered to help, but they assured me they could manage.   

I grow tired of writing this evening, and so I will bid you adieu, future self.  Hopefully no one will be jumping into the clouds below tomorrow. 

Goodnight.   

P.S. I must remember to read the piece of paper I found sticking out of my mattress recently.  With all the commotion today I completely forgot. I don’t recognize the handwriting on it though.  Maybe April has taken up writing as well seeing as how she can’t go anywhere, what with her missing leg… I should probably be nicer to her; she is such a cute little bear. 

            Goodnight again!

Leon's Diary

4/26/20XX

            I am sitting here writing down my thoughts because I am told they will help me in the future.  I very much doubt it though, as I’ve seen glimpses of it, and I’m still confused.  I’ve been told that my name is Leon, but I have no idea if that’s true.  I know that I will continue to be called Leon, so I’m making the assumption that it is indeed my name.  I will look back on my writings for the rest of my life, as it is the only window I have through which to see my past.  Allow me to explain.

            I have no memory of anything that has happened to me prior to the day it presently happens to be.  Everyday I wake up, and must subsequently be prompted by others as to what to do and when to do it.  For instance, they' tell me I’ve learned how to brush my teeth, but I can’t remember doing so. When I do finally start brushing, it’s familiar, but I can’t say I’ve ever done it before.  They tell me that if I hadn’t done it before I wouldn’t have teeth, and I assume they are correct.  My existence is a simple one, led by many who call me their friend.  Without their help I would have died long ago, I know this is true.  Tomorrow will be the same as today, and the next day after that until I die in my sleep at the age of 92. 

I read my writings from the days before, and while I know that they will always be explaining my predicament, I still find interest in them.  After I am made aware of their existence I sit down and am told I might like to read them.  “I can’t”, I say to those around me, “I don’t know how to read”, but they assure me I do, and when I see the pages in front of me with markings on them, I suddenly understand them.  I read with intrigue despite the repetition, and tomorrow it will start again.  Tomorrow I will have no memory of today; tomorrow I will be one day closer to my death. 

5/5/20XX

            Today I was told it was my birthday.  Confused as to what that meant I was somewhat nervous at the amount of people in my bedroom when I awoke.  I cannot recall ever having a birthday before, but they assure me that if I didn’t have one I would not be alive today.  I assume they are correct.  I know that I will have birthdays every year until the day I die, but I won’t ever know how old I am when asked.  Looking ahead, I am aware that I will always portray this kind of confusion even up until I am 93 and succumb to a fatal stroke.  I’m not sure what changed between today and a week ago for my death to change like that, but I value the extra year I will gain.  My son came by today to celebrate my birthday.  I was unaware I had a son, let alone a wife, and at 6’8’’ he is much taller than I am, but there was a slight resemblance.  He told me he would be back next week to visit, and I look forward to it until tomorrow comes and I forget.  We talked for a while, and he read me some of my past writings.  He is trying to help me remember things, but I tried to convince him I never would.  He called me a pessimist, and I fear I may have upset him. I gave him a hug on his way out, and made it count, as I knew I would not remember it, but he would.  Almost every night before I go to bed, I try to figure out when it is that my memory loss occurs.  Sadly, I am never able, and all attempts to stay awake and wait have failed.  It is a shame that I can’t get out more, and experience more of the world with my fleeting memory, but I understand the importance of the danger it may cause to me if I did.  I think I’ll end this entry by saying, get out more and enjoy the time you have, for my sake. 

5/13/20XX

            As I mentioned in my last entry, my son stopped by today to tell me that his wife had died. There is a sense of sadness that builds inside of me, but I’m not certain what or who specifically it is for.  On the one hand, I feel bad for his loss, but knowing that I will not remember any of this tomorrow, I can’t help but be a bit depressed. I look forward to tomorrow and being happy.          

I learned early on in my life, that while my death may change, I still don’t know how to create that change.  I recall, from rereading my previous entries, that I somehow changed the way I would die within a week.  I could not tell you how that happened though, it just did.  I must relearn this concept of my existence everyday as I awake every morning to the frightening knowledge of how I will die.  I write down how old I am, and how it will happen, but only when it changes, and the interesting ones.  I guess I’d have to say that it’s an odd sensation.  That is, waking up every morning and being able to see what everyone else can’t, only to forget it tomorrow in an instant.  Hopefully this continued writing will allow me to deal with it. 

5/28/20XX

            Today, after reading my previous entries, I decided to act upon my notion of getting out more.  After I was helped with the process of getting dressed, I proceeded to plan my escape.  After a few minutes of trying to figure out what to do, I gave up, for lack of knowledge, and decided to just start walking towards the door.  I opened it to be struck by a refreshing breeze, and continued cautiously down the hallway outside my room.  

            I walked a bit further to another door and opened it. As I took a few more steps it was clear that I was in a courtyard that was gated in.  The sun peaked out from behind a light blanketing of clouds, and the warmth was felt on my face.  I looked up towards it, closed my eyes and took it in; it was magnificent.  It was then that I felt a sharp pain on my neck, and when I opened my eyes I was lying in my bed.  As far as I can tell, this has never happened before, but then I have no real confidence in that assumption.  I never asked any of my friends here about the incident for fear that they might become aware of my escape attempts.  One day I will succeed; I will not die in this building of my friends. 

6/5/20XX

            I woke up today with a sense of adventure. I took a few steps out of my room and out towards the courtyard ________ __________________ ___________ ___________ __________ _____________ _________ ________ ____ ___________ ___________ _______________ ____________ ________________ ___________    _____ ___ I was told it was unbearably hot outside and that I should stay indoors today.  I didn’t really understand but I was excited nonetheless and felt like I shouldn’t let this energy go to waste.  I was told that I may enjoy a quick game of ____________ and so I set out with my friends here to do so.  Everyone was so happy while we were playing and then _________ stood up to make an announcement. ________ __________________ ___________ ___________ __________ _____________ _________ ________ ____ ___________ ___________ _______________ ____________ ________________ ___________ I was so relieved when my other friends here helped me up and stitched my up.  They quickly put me back to bed and assured me that sleep would make me feel all better.  I really enjoy having so many friends around.

Ignorance & Bliss

He can’t get back what he’s clearly missed

He couldn’t accept being another tourist

He didn’t comprehend why it was him she kissed

Just another on the rocks with a citrus twist

He looked out at the ocean that once was empty

The tears of his fathers did fill that sea

They cried out “Why God, must it be?”

Just another knot in his family tree

He never was quite like other men

He was always looking back on “then”

He would quietly search for a state of Zen

Just another dying from lack of oxygen

He was a badass of sorts; jack of all trades

What he didn’t have inside he had outside in spades

He never thought his flagrancy would ever fade

Just another degenerate who should’ve decayed

So many things they wanted, so few they really needed

Yet all of them gave in, and none of them conceded

That they were flawed inside and they were being cheated

By the things they thought they wanted; by the lives they thought they needed

I know why I hate them, and can clearly see

That I’m not about to make it all about money

I’ll bide my time as their empires fall into the sea

As one full soul looking out at the empty

I’ll stand by the horizon and look out at the abyss

I’ll observe the passing time and the way they miss

I’ll keep hating the way they judge and how they’re so quick to dismiss

As one who isn’t ignorant but still able to find bliss

A While

The word count never amounts to anything we ever want it to

The death toll’s only goal is to shed light on what the evil do

The moral decay of every day is likened to plain apathy

But I could care less about how any of this is affecting me

Sleep deprivation became a welcome sensation

Contemplation became just another mental vacation

Hesitation wouldn’t grow old and find itself in cessation

Starvation of a relation caused unwanted palpitations

It’s been a while since we didn’t defile

It’s been too long since we’ve been strong

It’s been a while since we’ve decided to smile

It’s finally over now that she’s come along

Foot to the floor to try and make it to that next door

Open it up to find there’s more shit to shut up

Buried and gone but still we can’t find the dawn

Gimme a bottle of that stuff ‘cuz enough’s enough

Shit-faced and wasted off the sweetest thing we’ve ever tasted

Glued to the phone for fear we’ll find the evening alone

Damaged, abused, fucked up, and confused

Fear for 5 years never finding our muse

It’s been a while since I’ve wanted so much to smile

It’s been too long since I’ve been strong

It’s been countless days since I’ve felt this way

It’s finally over now that she’s come along

I run to the one who keeps me from coming undone

I race to the face that takes me away from this place

I’m riled by her style that won’t let me not smile

I’m sure now that you can see how she’s affecting me

Sleep deprivation becomes a necessary norm

Hesitation help me. As I fall for her form

Contemplation’s out the window until further notice

Starvation for more time to enjoy her kiss

It’s been a while since I’ve tried this hard not to smile

And I can’t say there’s ever been a better view

There’ve been too many days I’ve wanted to be this way

And for all of this joy I can blame only you