Leon's Diary III

8/7/20XX

I just wanted to let you(me) know that you’ve(I’ve) started a treatment program here at the Castle that my friends claim will fix my memory problem. They can’t tell me much about it, but they told me it’s new and it promises extraordinary results.  With all of my friends smiling and telling me this, I can’t help but agree with them. 

            So far the results have been unnoticeable, but they tell me it may take a day or so to see any kind of improvements.  I guess I’ll just keep waiting then…

            Other than that, the day has been quite dull.  I mean the treatment takes a fair amount of time.  I started yesterday morning, and was out all day.  I woke up and had breakfast with April, who by the way will not shut up about her bum leg.  I keep telling her that if she doesn’t stop complaining I’ll take her other leg as well!  I’m only kidding, but she doesn’t know. Anyways, after breakfast my friends told me we were going to start the treatment, and that’s when they told me about it.  After talking for about 20 minutes, I was injected with a sedative and then I woke up quite a few hours later in time for dinner.  I honestly feel like they didn’t do anything to me, but we’ll see I guess. 

            Well, they tell me I need lots of rest, so I’m going to stop writing today and try to get that rest.  I’ll fill you in tomorrow about whether or not I’m seeing any results, or who knows? Maybe you’ll(I’ll) just remember, wouldn’t that be grand?

            One last thing though, I ended up reading the paper I found sticking out of my mattress that I mentioned last time. Turns out it was just somebody’s weird ranting.  They kept going on about their friends and what sounded like an inconsiderate God.  Well, it sounded like nonsense to me, so I tossed it out. 

Yup, it’s gone now, no reason to think about it anymore.

Just forget about what it may have said...

Actually, I think April may know where it ended up, but she won’t talk about anything but her lost leg, so good luck getting it out of her…

Get well soon!!

8/22/20XX

           

            Well, well, well, look what I’ve decided to remember! So many wonderful things!  The games I played with my friends, and how I won so many times.  The many birthday parties with carrot cake! I absolutely love this treatment program; it’s nothing but great memories.  In addition to all the memories I also haven’t had any visions of my death in a while. I think that is quite a good thing.  Death is such an ugly thing really, and I don’t know why anyone would want to know about when they are going to die, let alone how. 

            I’ve been spending my days recounting my past memories to a friend of mine here.  I go in every morning and sit on his couch and tell him as many things as I can remember.  He say’s I’ve been doing so well, and the treatment is working so well that I may eventually be able to stop writing in this log for them.  Wouldn’t that be great?! I could finally go back to living a normal life, and maybe I could take April with me as well. 

            It’s been quite a ride for me these past few weeks.  All the memories flowing back are almost too much to take.  I have to admit, even though most of the ones that have come back thus far are of me here in the Castle doing close to the same thing, it’s the small things that really stand out.  For instance, there was a memory from about 2 years ago when we had a visitor to the Castle that I had completely forgotten about.  I remembered this woman who arrived with the most beautiful blond hair and heavenly physique. Even though she was wearing the standard issue white gown and padded slippers, she looked as if she were an angel without a halo.  So they brought her in when I was out in the grand room, and she was looking down at her feet the entire time they were leading her to her room.  However, when she passed by where I was sitting she stopped, and put her hand on my shoulder.  She leaned over and whispered into my ear: “You can’t do this alone, but you’ll find peace in the end. Remember that you are loved…” I think there was more, but I can’t quite remember.  I was so taken by her beauty, and the fact that out of that entire room of me and my friends, she spoke only to me.  The memory fades after her words, but I’m just happy remembering even those few words of hers. Despite having all my friends here around, I must admit that sometimes I oddly feel a bit lonely. I can’t say I ever saw her again, but maybe that’s another part of my memory that hasn’t quite returned yet. 

            Well, I think I’ve kept the light on my desk here on too long.  April is looking at me like I’m being quite the annoyance when all she wants to do is get some sleep.  Sorry April. 

Goodnight for now then. 

Human

It had appeared they'd found their market
Too bad the buyers were content with being unkempt
They want to hold on to their grubby money
And revel in their disheveled state of funny

They're starting to become what they hate
And yet they still can't commiserate
Standing in a crosswalk with traffic looming
White lines surround while the pavement's consuming

What once was there to protect 
Has now become a way to deflect
Feedback, criticism, and all other forms of motivation
All so that they can maintain that dormant sensation

The one that tells them that everything's okay
The one that tells them tomorrow's another day
The one that tells them it's all part of a bigger plan
The one that tells them they're only human

They do it wrong, but auto-correct
They greet with disdain, but then treat with respect
They talk behind their backs in an effort to evade
The selves they fear up front, and wish would just fade

It comes as a welcome change of pace
They're floating downstream to get outta this place
Water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink
Finding minds inclined enough, but no one seems to think

Little by little they'll all get there somehow
With the wherewithal and unknown know-how
Little did they know that more cliches would arise
But never a surprise did any of them surmise

Only a feeling that everything would be all right
Only a feeling encouraging them to fight
Only a feeling that they were apart of a bigger plan
Only a feeling that they were only human

An ever-evolving but never-ending story
That keeps getting darker and no less gory
It's filled to the brim with others' glory
But they grow tired as it grows hoary 

They each consume their lives by bidding their time
Stifling their own dreams as if they were crimes
Tire as they may of the never-ending story
They trudge forward towards someone else's glory

With ears gone deaf, and eyes gone blind
And hearts that don't know what it is they could find
They wander with souls so worn out by it all 
Just ready to sleep and succumb to the fall

They just wanted to know it would be all right
They just wanted to be told they were still worth the fight
They just wanted to know that tomorrow's not just another day
They just wanted to be told that it would all be okay
They just wanted to know that it was all apart of a bigger plan
They just wanted to believe that they were more than human...

Leon's Diary II

8/3/20XX

            Hello future self, I hope that you are reading this in comfort. I’m writing to you because my friends here have told me that I might enjoy writing.  I told them that I wasn’t sure if I’d like it, but then here I am writing for the first time and finding so much pleasure in it.

I couldn’t be happier today.  Why, you ask?  Because today is my birthday!! I was given tremendous gifts by all of my friends here and on top of it all I was allowed to have a slice of carrot cake, my favorite!! One of the gifts was a teddy bear the size of a small child.  Even though it is missing its left leg, I love it the same as any other bear and I’ve decided to name her April.  I’ve always liked that name. 

            Aside from my birthday I have been enjoying my days here at the Castle.  Kind of an odd name for a facility such as this, but I don’t mind.  I love all of my friends and they most certainly love me.  They say that I am very well behaved with never an incident, which they like. 

            Tomorrow they say we are going to the beach, and I can’t wait because I’ve never been to the beach.  I’ve already packed my towel and my beach hat, and my swim trunks are on the dresser across the room.  Of course April will be coming too, because she hasn’t been to the beach before either. 

            Life in the Castle is wonderful, and yesterday I saw myself at the age of 99 still here.  I was taking my last breaths as Paul, one of the former interns who had been here for years by that point, held my hand as I died.  Peacefully and with no fear I passed on.

The Castle got a few new visitors today, and I am very excited about that.  I am not, however, allowed to see them or talk to them and they were taken to their rooms immediately.  I was told they were pretty tired, but considering I never actually saw them, I can’t say for sure if they were or not.  Maybe tomorrow I will ask my friends if I can make my introductions and we can all be friends

            Well, I think I’m going to go to bed now and try to get some sleep.  I doubt I will however as I am far too excited about the beach tomorrow.

Goodnight.

8/5/20XX

           

HELLO FUTURE LEON!!

By now I’m sure you’re aware that we never did go to the beach yesterday, but that’s okay.  April seemed pretty upset, but then again, she could still be mad at the fact that she has to hobble around everywhere, on account of her missing leg. 

I feel as though I should mention what happened this morning though, seeing as how I was awoken at around 7:00 AM to a loud crash outside my room.  I opened the door, but the hallway was empty.  Walking out into the hall and into the grand room, that’s what everybody here calls it; I saw that the window had been shattered.  Stepping closer, there was a breeze coming in that was cold.  Looking around, there was still no one, but still the window was broken and I assumed the glass had all fallen out and to the ground many stories below.  It was at that time that I was tackled, and fell to the floor. Wrestling myself around to face my assailant, I noticed a young man, maybe 25 or so.  He held me down and wouldn’t stop shouting and yelling at me.  He kept asking ‘Where did she go?’ in a very frantic voice.  Where did she go? Have you seen her?  What did you do to her?  I was stunned and couldn’t speak.  He wanted answers from me but I couldn’t muster up the words to say anything.  Mostly because he kept cutting me off and the fact that he was chocking me.  I finally pushed him off me and asked him who, who was he looking for?  He didn’t answer though; he just kept shouting the same things over and over.  I told him politely to calm down, and that my name was Leon, but he wouldn’t listen.  I was having quite a challenge in dealing with this young man, but then my friends showed up.  It was at this point that the young man froze and stared them down as if unable to move.  My friends stood still too, as if they were trying not to scare him.  They crept slowly forward like they had found a bunny that they just wanted to try and pet, and he stood rigid to the floor, unmoving.  Then all of a sudden my friends rushed towards him.  The young man yelled out ‘NO! Not without her!’ and, after looking around the room in a split second, proceeded to jump out the broken window I mentioned before. 

I had never seen anything like it; he fell into the foggy clouds below and disappeared in a poof.  I wish April could have seen it, but sadly she was still sleeping. My friends just stopped and helped me up and made sure I was okay.  They’re so nice sometimes.  Saul, one of the young interns, helped me up and asked if I had enjoyed the new visitors. I guess that young man was one of the visitors they brought to the Castle yesterday… a pity I never got to meet him.  Oh well, he seemed a bit too rowdy for my tastes anyways.  Not someone you would likely be able to sit and play Go Fish with… or at least not for very long.  

            Such an excitable day today, and other than that, things were relatively quiet.  I sat in the grand room and watched my friends clean up and replace the broken window.  I offered to help, but they assured me they could manage.   

I grow tired of writing this evening, and so I will bid you adieu, future self.  Hopefully no one will be jumping into the clouds below tomorrow. 

Goodnight.   

P.S. I must remember to read the piece of paper I found sticking out of my mattress recently.  With all the commotion today I completely forgot. I don’t recognize the handwriting on it though.  Maybe April has taken up writing as well seeing as how she can’t go anywhere, what with her missing leg… I should probably be nicer to her; she is such a cute little bear. 

            Goodnight again!

Leon's Diary

4/26/20XX

            I am sitting here writing down my thoughts because I am told they will help me in the future.  I very much doubt it though, as I’ve seen glimpses of it, and I’m still confused.  I’ve been told that my name is Leon, but I have no idea if that’s true.  I know that I will continue to be called Leon, so I’m making the assumption that it is indeed my name.  I will look back on my writings for the rest of my life, as it is the only window I have through which to see my past.  Allow me to explain.

            I have no memory of anything that has happened to me prior to the day it presently happens to be.  Everyday I wake up, and must subsequently be prompted by others as to what to do and when to do it.  For instance, they' tell me I’ve learned how to brush my teeth, but I can’t remember doing so. When I do finally start brushing, it’s familiar, but I can’t say I’ve ever done it before.  They tell me that if I hadn’t done it before I wouldn’t have teeth, and I assume they are correct.  My existence is a simple one, led by many who call me their friend.  Without their help I would have died long ago, I know this is true.  Tomorrow will be the same as today, and the next day after that until I die in my sleep at the age of 92. 

I read my writings from the days before, and while I know that they will always be explaining my predicament, I still find interest in them.  After I am made aware of their existence I sit down and am told I might like to read them.  “I can’t”, I say to those around me, “I don’t know how to read”, but they assure me I do, and when I see the pages in front of me with markings on them, I suddenly understand them.  I read with intrigue despite the repetition, and tomorrow it will start again.  Tomorrow I will have no memory of today; tomorrow I will be one day closer to my death. 

5/5/20XX

            Today I was told it was my birthday.  Confused as to what that meant I was somewhat nervous at the amount of people in my bedroom when I awoke.  I cannot recall ever having a birthday before, but they assure me that if I didn’t have one I would not be alive today.  I assume they are correct.  I know that I will have birthdays every year until the day I die, but I won’t ever know how old I am when asked.  Looking ahead, I am aware that I will always portray this kind of confusion even up until I am 93 and succumb to a fatal stroke.  I’m not sure what changed between today and a week ago for my death to change like that, but I value the extra year I will gain.  My son came by today to celebrate my birthday.  I was unaware I had a son, let alone a wife, and at 6’8’’ he is much taller than I am, but there was a slight resemblance.  He told me he would be back next week to visit, and I look forward to it until tomorrow comes and I forget.  We talked for a while, and he read me some of my past writings.  He is trying to help me remember things, but I tried to convince him I never would.  He called me a pessimist, and I fear I may have upset him. I gave him a hug on his way out, and made it count, as I knew I would not remember it, but he would.  Almost every night before I go to bed, I try to figure out when it is that my memory loss occurs.  Sadly, I am never able, and all attempts to stay awake and wait have failed.  It is a shame that I can’t get out more, and experience more of the world with my fleeting memory, but I understand the importance of the danger it may cause to me if I did.  I think I’ll end this entry by saying, get out more and enjoy the time you have, for my sake. 

5/13/20XX

            As I mentioned in my last entry, my son stopped by today to tell me that his wife had died. There is a sense of sadness that builds inside of me, but I’m not certain what or who specifically it is for.  On the one hand, I feel bad for his loss, but knowing that I will not remember any of this tomorrow, I can’t help but be a bit depressed. I look forward to tomorrow and being happy.          

I learned early on in my life, that while my death may change, I still don’t know how to create that change.  I recall, from rereading my previous entries, that I somehow changed the way I would die within a week.  I could not tell you how that happened though, it just did.  I must relearn this concept of my existence everyday as I awake every morning to the frightening knowledge of how I will die.  I write down how old I am, and how it will happen, but only when it changes, and the interesting ones.  I guess I’d have to say that it’s an odd sensation.  That is, waking up every morning and being able to see what everyone else can’t, only to forget it tomorrow in an instant.  Hopefully this continued writing will allow me to deal with it. 

5/28/20XX

            Today, after reading my previous entries, I decided to act upon my notion of getting out more.  After I was helped with the process of getting dressed, I proceeded to plan my escape.  After a few minutes of trying to figure out what to do, I gave up, for lack of knowledge, and decided to just start walking towards the door.  I opened it to be struck by a refreshing breeze, and continued cautiously down the hallway outside my room.  

            I walked a bit further to another door and opened it. As I took a few more steps it was clear that I was in a courtyard that was gated in.  The sun peaked out from behind a light blanketing of clouds, and the warmth was felt on my face.  I looked up towards it, closed my eyes and took it in; it was magnificent.  It was then that I felt a sharp pain on my neck, and when I opened my eyes I was lying in my bed.  As far as I can tell, this has never happened before, but then I have no real confidence in that assumption.  I never asked any of my friends here about the incident for fear that they might become aware of my escape attempts.  One day I will succeed; I will not die in this building of my friends. 

6/5/20XX

            I woke up today with a sense of adventure. I took a few steps out of my room and out towards the courtyard ________ __________________ ___________ ___________ __________ _____________ _________ ________ ____ ___________ ___________ _______________ ____________ ________________ ___________    _____ ___ I was told it was unbearably hot outside and that I should stay indoors today.  I didn’t really understand but I was excited nonetheless and felt like I shouldn’t let this energy go to waste.  I was told that I may enjoy a quick game of ____________ and so I set out with my friends here to do so.  Everyone was so happy while we were playing and then _________ stood up to make an announcement. ________ __________________ ___________ ___________ __________ _____________ _________ ________ ____ ___________ ___________ _______________ ____________ ________________ ___________ I was so relieved when my other friends here helped me up and stitched my up.  They quickly put me back to bed and assured me that sleep would make me feel all better.  I really enjoy having so many friends around.