...Hiatus...

The beginning of the end

And a start of a new year

I just want you all to know

I have nothing left to fear

I’m starting fresh and getting out

And I don’t care what you say

I resolve to not get involved

And live life day by day

You’ve been taking a grain of salt

With everything you hear

You’ve been doing this for so long

You need to stop and sweeten up, my dear

I’m sick of all my contradictions

And I’m sick of all my false convictions

I need a happy new addiction

I need what remedies my condition

Please listen close to what I’m trying to say

Because I don’t think I’ll come back around this way

Today I decided to just stand up

Today I decided it was enough

And you can go and cry rivers

That will wash you all away

And you can go and burn bridges

That wouldn’t have led you astray

And you can go and just go on

And I will go and just move on

Mix and match your personality

With someone who can tolerate it

Hunt for one you can manipulate

And hope it’s an eternal fit

Don’t bother talking to me

Try talking to yourself

Get in touch with what’s inside of you

And leave me by myself

Come back when good things stop

And I’ll come back when I’ve grown up

Come back when things get tough

And I’ll make sure they stop

I don’t think I’ll be back for a while

And I’m not surprised you’re wearing a smile

You ask “Will you finish your short story?”

I say "Stay in touch, and we’ll see…"

Please listen close to what I’m trying to say

Because I don’t think I’ll come back around this way

Today I decided it was time to wake

Today I decided it was mine to take

And you can go and cry rivers

That will wash you all away

And you can go and burn bridges

That wouldn’t have led you astray

And you can go and just go on

And I will go and just move on

I read the news today

Apparently my muse has gone away

Don’t ask why, because I don’t know

Just want to forget, how I wanted it to go

New year’s eve, my arms around her

Can you picture this?

Crushed by a crush was a plan

Of just one last kiss…

Don’t tell me what to do

And I won’t tell you that you’re wrong

Don’t try to follow me

And I won’t tell you to come along

When I’m wondering if my snow angel would follow

Make this the last thing I write for some time

When I’m losing faith, thinking it’s not mean to be

Make this the last thing I write for some time

I tried not to jinx it

And wished it made sense instead

Hoping she’d come back soon

When it became colder than expected

Please listen close to what I’m trying to say

Because I don’t think I’ll come back around this way

The day you decide you want me

Is the day my words, again, you’ll see…

And you can go and cry rivers

That will wash you all away

And you can go and burn bridges

That wouldn’t have led you astray

And you can choose to leave

While I would have you stay

And you can go and just go on

And I will go and just move on

Colder Than Expected

Watching the carousel spin round and round

Wondering if this lost bag will ever be found

Step outside and my bones are colder than ice

And I think, “Man, isn’t this nice.”

Left that shit behind and found some peace

In the hopes that thoughts of her would cease

Not to the point where I forget entirely

But to a point where they don’t bother me

Call me stupid, or call me misdirected

But what did you expect, the unexpected?

I don’t know where I’m going

But I know it’s not where you’re going

I don’t know what I’m doing

But I know it’s not what you’re doing

Sit in the warmth and think of yesterday

Did I say all the things I wanted to say?

Step outside and my bones are colder than ice

I think I’ll go for a walk, yeah that sounds nice

Wander through the streets that used to be home

I wonder when I’ll wake up from this coma

Well not exactly the way you’re thinking

I know I’m awake but my motivation could use a waking

Call me lackadaisical, or call me misdirected

But what did you expect, the unexpected?

I don’t know what you’re doing

But I know that I don’t like it

I don’t know where you’re going

But I know I’ll never visit

Maybe tomorrow I’ll listen and hear something

Maybe tomorrow I’ll just sit and do nothing

Step outside and my bones are colder than ice

Stand stiff here wishing I could entice

You irritate me, but then again I irritate myself

Wish you could have me all to yourself

Okay, maybe not, but a guy can dream can’t he?

Still I wish you’d open your eyes and see

Call me optimistic, or call me misdirected

But what did you expect, the unexpected?

I don’t know why I’m staying

But I know I might as well

I don’t know what I’m saying

But I know that this is hell

I know you have a tell, but I can’t figure it out

If I could understand your motives I wouldn’t doubt

Step outside and my bones are colder than ice

Wish I could live life without thinking twice

You talk to me as if what’s between us won’t progress

I talk to you as if I’m in an infinite regress

Okay, not really, but I feel like I’m getting nowhere

And I’m getting kind of tired of only being confident enough to stare

Call me bashful, or call me misdirected

But what did you expect, the unexpected?

I don’t know why I’m writing

But I won’t stop

I don’t know what I’m learning

But I can’t stop

Oh miss blond do you know what you do to me?

I’m sitting here while you wait so patiently

Step outside and my bones aren’t colder than ice

Ah, a stomach full of alcohol, how nice…

Wishing you could open your eyes and see

Thinking never did anything good for me

Well, I guess that’s not exactly true

Thinking gives me an everlasting memory of you

Call me hopeless, or call me misdirected

But what did you expect, the unexpected?

I don’t know where I’m going

I don’t know what I’m doing

I’m just trying to find the one

Who’s truly worth pursuing…

Come Back Soon

And I guess it isn’t really just me

Sitting down thinking: “Why does it have to be?”

Can hardly make it through the door

And suddenly I’m on the floor

Eyes soaked from the rain that won’t let up

And I’m here thinking: “I’ve had enough…”

But it doesn’t stop there

No it follows me around

From room to room

She’s lost and I’m wishing

That I could be found

I’m standing here waiting in line for my turn

And suddenly I’m unable to learn

It’s not for me but I still look for it blind

Hoping one day I will no longer mind

Eyes soaked from the rain that won’t let up

And I’m here thinking: “It never stops…”

But it doesn’t stop there

No it follows me around

From room to room

She’s lost and I’m wishing

That I could be found

I return to my usual daily routine

And try to believe that it’s not how it seems

She never existed and I never fell

But I wish she’d show, so I could tell

Eyes soaked from the rain that won’t stop falling

And I’m here thinking: “I can’t find my calling...”

But it doesn’t stop there

No it follows me around

From room to room

She’s lost and I’m wishing

That I could be found

And maybe in time I’ll say that I’m all right

But I can’t fall asleep without remembering her each night

And maybe in time I’ll find my one and only

And leave the state defined as lonely

Eyes soaked from the rain that’s coming down

And I’m here thinking: “I write more when I’m down...”

But it doesn’t stop there

No it follows me around

From room to room

She’s lost and I’m wishing

That I could be found

If I knew what I was doing don’t you think I’d feel better?

If I knew what I was doing I wouldn’t need these letters

If the world revolved solely around me

Do you think then I’d be happy and free?

Eyes soaked from the rain that falls without remorse from the skies

And I’m here thinking: “I wish I could stare into your green eyes…”

But it doesn’t stop there

No it follows me around

From room to room

She’s lost and I’m wishing

That I could be found

Colors

Disappointment rears its ugly head

And we warm up to just being friends

Tell me how exactly it’s done

When none of the things I do

Can get me any closer to you

And it was the girl in the yellow dress

That caused you distress

And it was the girl the blue was for

That made it sting a little more

And it was the girl with red hair

That always seemed to be there

But it was the girl with green eyes

That truly took me by surprise

He who cries in the shower

Will never shed a tear

Drowned out in the water

Are his sorrows from last year

And she who tries to escape

Will never get away

Burned out without fire

Are her loves from yesterday

And it was the girl in the yellow dress

That caused you distress

And it was the girl the blue was for

That made it sting a little more

And it was the girl with red hair

That always seemed to be there

But it was the girl with green eyes

That had me watching the skies

Watching for another angel to fall

If it was possible once could it happen again?

Waiting for these demons to simply dissolve

If I stole her away would I be happy then?

Can I be commended for the things I try to do?

Can the words I don’t say get a pat on the back too?

Why do the colors in my head

Keep fading to an image of you?

And it was the girl in the yellow dress

That was surely a mess

And it was the girl the blue was for

That never would have loved me more

And it was the girl with red hair

That while there, never cared

But it was the girl with green eyes so

That I wish never had to go…

Conditional

Hate me, berate me

But don’t commiserate, see

I can’t understand your disrespect

And excuse me if I came to expect

A level of respect from you

But then again what else is new?

And we cat and mouse

Because you say I do it too

Call me stupid

I just don’t care

And you can leave anytime

I just don’t need you there

Can I ask you a question?

Can I tell you an answer?

Where exactly is your position?

And why do you call me sir?

When it’s clear I don’t deserve it

I simply show up and pay for shit

I just don’t know where I’m going

Life just doesn’t make sense

And all the things that you’re doing

Are making me want

I can’t tell what you want

And you can’t see why

I would tell you what’s wrong

If I could understand our lives

If it was clear

I wouldn’t need you here

If I wasn’t so down

I wouldn’t need you around

If I’m happy

I don’t need you

If I’m happy

I don’t see you

I see you, I want you

And you call me foolish

Swish and spit

That taste off your tongue

And I’m convinced
That she’s not the one

Not done, not fun,

Give me a run

For my money

Or for the hillsides

And it tastes like burning

On my insides

I dream you

I escape through

To the illusions of reality

And I’d like to believe

That if I can see you

You can see me

But such is life

And isn’t that nice

You’re walking right by

Without ever looking twice

If it was clear

I wouldn’t need you here

If I wasn’t so down

I wouldn’t need you around

If I’m happy

I don’t see you

If I’m happy

I don’t need you

Need you, want to

Do things I shouldn’t do

Too many excuses

For continuing abuses

Bruised, battered and messed up

Shaken, baked and fucked up

Running around in circles

Trying to find the world

And if the planets align

Maybe I’ll feel fine

Take what’s mine

And pay you no mind

Driving, riding

A horse that won’t stop bucking

And I wish I could end this fucking

Intense nonsense

That comes when each of us commence

With the act of liking each other

Loving another

And neglecting the other

Wishing we were close

Like the McManus brothers

Capable of nothing short

Of dying for one another

Atone for my sins

And let the world in

Would you let me begin?

Would you let me finish?

And I’m so sick and tired of this

If it was clear

I wouldn’t need you here

If I wasn’t so down

I wouldn’t need you around

If I’m happy

I don’t see you

If I’m happy

I don’t need you

But I still want you

Yeah, I still want you…

Not Meant To Be

I know I wrote something just the other day

But apparently you weren’t looking my way

That’s no surprise and I’ve learned to deal

And I don’t need imaginary friends to prove I’m real

So pay attention and just watch close

I’m about to end my world of prose

The game I’m playing is no longer fun

And you’d never notice if I said I was done

I’d walk right out and leave you all alone

And you’d sit watching unaware I’d gone

Goodbye for now, or maybe indefinitely

I haven’t decided where I want you to be

Goodbye for now, or maybe indefinitely

You’ve obviously decided where you want me

I know I spoke to you just the other day

But apparently you didn’t hear what I had to say

That’s disappointing to say the least

And I don’t need you to define my peace

So close your eyes and belly up to the clichés

I’m about to go and ruin your day

The way you said it, I think you were lying

And you’d never notice that I was trying

I’d walk right out and leave you all alone

And you’d sit watching unaware I’d gone

Goodbye for now, or maybe indefinitely

I haven’t decided where I want you to be

Goodbye for now, or maybe indefinitely

You’ve obviously decided where you want me

I know you probably don’t understand

But apparently you can’t see my hand

That’s outstretched for you trying to pull you in

And I don’t think you realize I’m laughing within

So fire blind and I hope you hit them

I’m sorry to say I won’t be going down with them

The way you act, they’d think I was crazy

And your love could never be anything but lazy

I’d walk right out and leave you all alone

And you’d sit watching unaware I’d gone

Goodbye for now, or maybe indefinitely

I haven’t decided where I want you to be

Goodbye for now, or maybe indefinitely

You’ve obviously decided where you want me

I know that this was never meant to be

But apparently you thought we ought to see

That’s sweet of you, but let’s be serious

And I don’t think that either of us will miss

So here’s to you, the first I decide to quit

I’m tired of trying, and don’t think it’s worth it

The way you stared at my inner being

And one day maybe I’ll miss your feeling

I’d walk right out and leave you all alone

And you’d sit wishing that I’d never gone

Goodbye and let the curtains fall

And I don’t believe I’ll ever call

Goodbye and try to truly believe

That we were never meant to be

Resolutions

Here to follow are resolutions

In the hopes of finding some solutions

To help me through my disillusion

And regain what’s left of my constitution

I resolve to not get involved

Except when truth is known

Never let sleeves be homes for hearts

Unless those hearts are shown

I resolve to not dissolve

Every time she leaves my sight

Never again will I long for her

Unless she’s worth the fight

I resolve to not revolve

Around an life that’s without purpose

Find what means the most to me

And bring hope to the hopeless

I resolve to not evolve

Into a creature that lacks definition

Get in touch with tissue and bones

And finally find my position

I resolve to finally solve

All the problems that plague me so

I resolve to know myself

When it’s not about what, but who you know