That Special Someone

Something keeps telling me to leave

Something inside that thinks it knows what I need

And if I could go, and just go away

Do you think I should? I think I may

Someone keeps telling me to quit

Someone outside who thinks they know all of it

And if I could stop, and just stop it all

Do you think I should? I think I may heed that call

Everyone keeps telling me what’s right

Everyone from the day, but I’m awake at night

And if I could know, and know it all right now

Do you think I should? I think I may know how

Everything keeps me out of equilibrium

Everything attacks me. LOOK OUT! Here it comes

And if I could fight, and just fight it all

Do you think I should? I think I may need to brawl

No one is telling me what I want to hear

No one can tell me what it is I fear

And if I could hide, and just hide away

Do you think I should? I think I may

Nothing is happening, not for me, nor for you

Nothing will kill me, and it will kill you too

And if we could be empathetic and not so pathetic

Do you think we should? I think we need to do it quick

She keeps repeating, like a voice in my head

She keeps impeding what needs to be said

She keeps defeating all these motives of mine

She keeps telling me that everything will be fine

Something keeps telling me to leave

Something inside that makes it hard to breathe

And if I could inhale, and just inhale with ease

Do you think you’d stay and never leave?

Someone keeps telling me to quit

Someone outside that doesn’t know shit

And if I could quiet, and just quiet it down

Do you think they’d shut up and stop hanging around?

Everyone keeps telling me what’s right

Everyone who can see, while I search for sight

And if I could see, and just see it for what it is

Do you think I’d keep writing any of this?

Everything keeps me out of equilibrium

Everything keeps me spinning until my body’s numb

And if I could stand up, and just stand up and balance

Do you think I could do it? Do I have a chance?

No one is telling me what I want to hear

No one wants to be the one I hold dear

And if I could stay, and just stay with you

Do you think you could stop and stay with me too?

Nothing is happening, not for me, nor for you

Nothing is closer to lies than your truth

And if we could lie, and just lie to be kind

Do you think you could stay here, and ease my mind?

She keeps repeating, like a voice in my head

She keeps impeding what needs to be said

She keeps defeating all these motives of mine

And we keep telling ourselves "It'll happen in due time..."

Also, here's another song. I started composing this back in November of '07 according to my computer, and I'm not sure when I necessarily "finished" it, but I hope you enjoy it.

Leap Frog

Day Dreaming

Just created this in the last day and a half or so. It's the newest one, but if you notice, there are about 42 others before it. First time I've done this kind of thing (putting it online, through a website) so hopefully the link works, and hopefully you enjoy what I've made.

"Day Dreaming"

You'll Ignore This

I don’t care what you do,

So no longer can you annoy me

I don’t care what you do,

So no longer will you destroy me

Slowly, sweetly, and very discretely,

But I found out, and I’m not happy

We talk; we converse

But you still don’t comprehend

If I make it perverse

Will you force this to end?

Quickly, quietly, and undeniably

Out of control, but you just can’t see

Thanks for trying, I guess

And sarcasm hurts, even in text

You just want to overlook your mess

But I can’t ignore that I’m not next

Quickly, freely, and oh so discretely

I don’t know how to tell you that I’m not happy

You call, and I pick up

Just to placate your worried mind

But I’m looking forward to the day it stops

And I quit paying you in kind

Slowly, patiently, undesirably

I listen to you, while you look past me

Your futile attempts at being nice

Are blatantly obvious when you don’t listen

I no longer want to pay the price

By sitting here acting like I give a damn

Adorably, ignoring me, ignorantly

I was stupid to think it could ever be

I don’t care what you do,

So no longer can you annoy me

I don’t care what you do,

So no longer will you destroy me

Slowly, sweetly, and very discretely

You should’ve seen this coming, with how you treated me

Tormenting Temptation

Here is the church; here is the steeple

Open the doors and see all the people

Torn asunder by this one hit wonder

Why must it be her thumb that I’m always under?

Watch her push needles into all those people

“What’d you expect?” she asks, “I’m pure evil.”

Go home kid, you’re not wanted here with the rest

You’ve destroyed more men than Black Death

I yell to the heavens, but it falls on deaf ears

So I remain trapped, boxed in by my fears

With the sun beating down and a sweat drenched brow

I find myself simply asking “How…?”

Did I let you in?

Did we let it begin?

Will I make it out?

Can I let it out?

Here is the church; here are its constituents

Under her magnifying glass, just burned ants

Watch her toy with each and every boy

Why must it be my pain that brings her joy?

“Here drink this, you’ll love it, I promise.”

For you? Anything, my beautiful miss.

“Now think of me daily for the next thousand years.”

And I’m starting to see the cause of my fears…

What did I drink? My aching stomach!

I don’t want it, but I want you back

I toss and turn even when I’m awake

What made you think my heart was a fun thing to break?

I yell to the heavens, but it falls on deaf ears

So I remain trapped, boxed in by my fears

With sweat covered brow, under a burning sun in the sky

I find myself simply asking “Why…?”

Did I let you in?

Did we let it begin?

Can’t I ever win?

Won’t it ever end?

Here is the church; here is the steeple

Open the doors and see all the people

See all the people that can’t get up

Because you keep them down and will not stop

A broken heart in her hand

Isn’t worth two not under her command

If there is a soul to squeeze

She’ll gladly strangle it with ease

I yell to the heavens, but it falls on deaf ears

So I remain trapped, boxed in by my fears

Within my tormented head, she intrudes again

I find myself simply asking “When…?"

Did I let you in?

Will it ever end?

Will I fail to recall?

Will you stop it all?

Here is the church; there is the aftermath

She never deviates from her path

Close the doors; don’t want to see all the people

That she’s allowed her love to kill

So… where do I begin to tell you exactly

What it is you did to me?

If words could say, I’d have already tried

If this sun hadn’t burned me out, I’d have cried

If there were a short cut I’d have already taken it

But most of all I’d tell you, if I still gave a shit

So there was the church, and there was a steeple

But what do you care, of the now absent people?

I yell to the heavens, but it falls on deaf ears

So I remain tormented for who knows how many years

With the sun beating down all day long

I find myself asking, “Where did I go wrong…?”

Like Heartache

Like a tiger that only wants to eat you

And you would stop it if it weren’t already through

Digesting, investing your soul in one that wants only to kill you

What are you supposed to do when she’s gone and so are you?

Like a stone that has somehow lost its place

And you would kick it back if you didn’t have to break pace

Stuck, silent, watching everyone continue in this one horse race

Life takes a backward step and you wonder why this is the case

Like a penny that you saw flat on the ground

And you would pick it up if it were a heads up one you found

Tails, stale, wishing it was more than one, and something profound

What are you supposed to do when she’s gone and you’re not around?

Like a fallen leaf that moves in the passing breeze

And you go out of your way to crunch it because you can with ease

Broken, shattered into a lifeless dust that you can’t help but tease

Disappear into the wind and don’t say anything but a desperate “…please…”

Like a fallen angel that doesn’t even know your name

And you would go talk to them if you thought they felt the same

Quiet, doubtful, watching your fire die to a single flame

What are you supposed to do when the picture you took slips out of its frame?

Like a storm with thunder but you never see the lightning

And you would stop to question if the sound weren’t so frightening

Pouring, abhorring, and you can start to feel your chest tightening

You might as well be dying, and this is supposed to be enlightening?

Their Push/Pull World

I’m not one for violence, but you just wait and see

When everything is the only thing they want from me

I watch them all with my view from up here

I watch them come, and I watch them disappear

They act as if the more times they push the button

The faster the light will change, but it means nothing

You can stand there and push to your hearts content

But pushing can’t pull you closer to your intent

Won’t fight it

Don’t want to

Won’t right it

Don’t have to

Won’t recite it

Shouldn’t have to…

I’m not one for attention, but you, you wait and see

When everything is what you want, and everything isn’t free

I watch them all with my view from here

I watch them come, and I watch them disappear

They anticipate, as if this time they’re going to jump the gun

But in their haste they miscalculate and end up with none

You can be reckless, and push to your hearts content

But pushing can’t pull you closer to your intent

Won’t patch it

Don’t want to

Won’t catch it

Don’t have to

Won’t match it

Shouldn’t have to…

I’m not anyone; I’m just one more breathing the air

When everything is what they want, it’s kind of hard to care

I watch them all with my view from up here

I watch them all, and I watch in fear

They come with questions, and they leave unsatiated

To stand here without answers, I have been fated

And I could stand up, and push to my hearts content

But pushing can’t pull me any closer to my intent

Won’t abide by it

Don’t want to

Won’t be tied to it

Don’t have to

Won’t hide from it

Shouldn’t have to…

Headphones & Cellphones

Woke up this morning to put on the headphones

Walked to school with the feeling that I wasn’t alone

Wanted to check the time so I took out my phone

The phone fell; I disappeared, and found myself on my own…

“Welcome” she said, “to a world of truth

The kind that eludes your naïve youth”

We walked along trying to find my use

We walked along, me and my muse

The ground of this place was innocence

And the skies were made of dreams

And when the wind blew you felt at home,

And everything was as it seemed

We walked for some time and gazed at the souls

Of our present selves and those we planned to be

When the grass became green, we knew we were on the other side

And when I looked at myself, I saw only me

She took my hand and we left the ground

The air was freeing as we flew by

She whispered to me what she had found

And I whispered to her what had passed me by

Then with a crash I was again on the street

Headphones on the curb, no longer on my feet

Surrounded by those who wanted only to aid

And help me up from where I lay

To me the thought was not one I wanted

The thought of them coercing me, I daunted

They yelled “Get help! I think he’s badly injured”

But I closed my eyes; I disappeared, and reality I conjured

“Hello again” she said with a voice that eased my heart

“I was worried you had left, before we had a chance to start.”

She took my hand, and in a silver glow

She made me forget the pain I used to know

The ground broke loose, and the whole world shifted

And in an instant of ecstasy, my soul lifted

Not quite flying, but not quite falling

Just openly listening for my calling

She never asked if I was happy

And she never asked if I was ok

She simply asked if she could be by my side

And what else was there that I could say?

Amused with my muse, I took her hand

And on a beach out of reach we did stand

In a tongue unsung I told her my plan

And on a night, in the moonlight, my life began

But all too soon I was pulled away

The lights were white and it was yesterday

Or was it tomorrow, I couldn’t decipher

And me and my headphones were no longer together

Then over me appeared an unknown face

He diagnosed the situation and the place

Gently touching my head, and putting on my mask

I closed my eyes; I disappeared, and took in the gas

“Again? You know you must warn me first.

In your absences I fear the worst.”

She spoke as if we’d been apart for years

And I quickly tried to quell her fears

We embraced and thought of just us

Got lost in what would be, and not what was

Drifting away, on seas of the purest blue

We bid our individual lives adieu

Hearing thunder boom and lightning crack

We never did dream of coming back

And in the instances where I found it hard to go on

I looked to her, and my cares were gone

With electric intensity I was again back here

And with another jolt I had found a new fear

Lying on my back with four faces above

They all looked down, while I looked up for her love

“What’s he trying to do?” Asked the man in white

“Son, we’re trying to help you, quit putting up a fight”

I tried to run and I tried to do what was right

I ran to her. The beauty standing in the light

Opening my eyes, I saw free and clear

“I’m happy that you’re once again here”

She looked me in the eyes, and in her beauty did say

“I’m happy that you’re once again here to stay.”

Bad Day

So I was thinking about ending this nicely

And wrapping it up once again

But then thought: "Why give you the satisfaction?"

"Why is it that you always get to win?"

I swear I'm going to crack

And they just keep telling me what to do

But when I can't make them, and they don't want to,

What the f--- am I supposed to do?

And no this has nothing to do with that one

The one that seemingly "got away"

She's been left behind, with my focus now clear

And I'm fine, in terms of her, at the end of the day

My problem this time is all the other shit

Not very specific I guess,

The shit that you can't avoid as much as you try

How the f--- do I get out of this mess?

I've been told to make a correction to that

And I've been told to make a modification to this

And I'd like to tell them to get a life and stop trying to fix mine

Because I don't give a shit in the meantime

And yeah, I'm mad, but none of you need worry

I have contempt for those trying to make things perfect

And they see my life as half-assed, but I'm just in a hurry

I've only got one life to live, so save your comments and don't interject

And tomorrow I'll probably calm down

Or maybe it'll just keep growing

But you can all rest easy and know this

That none of this anger will I be showing

So I'll continue on from up here

And keep passing out to sleep at night

And hopefully I'll stop waking up each morning

Questioning: "What the f--- makes you right?"

Bridges

I’ve had a chance to be shaken to my core

I’ve had the keys, but the doors were locked

I’ve had enough, but they threw on some more

How does it feel to know you’ve been blocked?

Drive a little faster; you just might get there

Shout a little louder; they just might hear

Complain some more, to cover your fear

And I can’t help it, that I don’t care

Broken is the sympathy to you from me

Haunting is the empathy I still keep for you

Daunting is the task bestowed upon me

Burned are the bridges to me from you

Green eyes, and it’s no surprise

That I guard myself with all these lies

A weakness for those who seem to know me

And it’s no surprise we could never agree

Why’d I have to pick up?! I was comfortably one

The memories of you had all but gone

Can you tell me why you feel the need to continue?

Read into this all you want, I’m done with you.

…And I’m sick of talking about you

Especially when you want nothing to do

With me, at least that how it seems, per say

And I’ve filled my writing requirement for today…

Summer Sampling [Pt. 1]

Well, it makes your blood boil and your temples throb

And you can’t wish hard enough that it would be over soon

In the meantime you’re here going psycho propane cocaine crazy

And you feel like taking out everyone with a rusty spoon

You no longer want to hear that everyone is “so sorry”

Because honestly it doesn’t help or bring about a change

You feel like you’ve been uppercut by sheer reality

And your life could stand to be rearranged

A one-eighty is in order, but then there’s probably one coming soon

You don’t know what’s going on, but blame your honey blond hair

If life happened slowly then you’d have no reason to rue

But you’re stuck thinking that you’re the only one who cares

And everything looks perfect and nothing could get you down

But suddenly it looms and you wish it wasn’t all around

But don’t you worry because everyone has their ups and downs

And while you think you’re lost now, one day you’ll be found

You’re not one who believes it when you’re told, “It’ll be all right.”

You turn off your phone so that you can get away from everything

Your dizzying emotions can’t seem to let you stand up straight

And your world would be better, if their ignorance weren’t so frustrating

You soak up the sun and feel like you’re made of steel man, steel

Drifting off into the gray-green fog and oblivion you lose you

But you always come back and attempt to excuse the trivial

Take care of yourself because one day it’ll be only you taking care of you

Disjointed and frustrated you’d go to hell and back to make things work

You’re off to bed early to avoid life’s little disappointments

That boomerang will always come back, that’s how it works

Is this advice for you or for them, coming from your laments?

You carry around your small travel kit of personal emotions

And you keep a little distance to make it feel more special

But you know that you just want them, and you go through the motions

In the end you’re just the same, and you still want them to call

And everything looks perfect and nothing could get you down

But suddenly it looms and you wish it wasn’t all around

But don’t you worry because everyone has their ups and downs

And while you think you’re lost now, one day you’ll be found